Sep 7: 4%
I totally shouldn’t have looked.
I was at my parents’ place to watch the latest episode of “Doctor Who” and I noticed the Time Magazine for this week, which talked about having the answers to all the questions you’ve never asked, or however they put it. And I couldn’t help looking through it.
Mostly, that wasn’t a bad thing. The names of some of the “designer dog” breeds were really funny.
But then I found the page about love and sex and whatnot.
It said that most men lose their virginity at about 17, and most women at about 16. Or was it the other way around? Either way, that means I failed life while I was still in high school!
Worse still, then I noticed that fatal statistic that read “4%”.
And it said that was the percentage of people (can’t recall off-hand if it was world-wide or just in the US) between the ages of 29 and 58 who have have never had a relationship. (Or a serious relationship, or sex. The precise details aren’t important in this context.)
That’s how little companionship I have in my miserable state. I’m part of a teeny tiny 4%.
Worse still, I’m not part of that 4% by choice.
Because you realize some–maybe most–of them are part of it by choice. There are still nuns and monks out there. They’re still required to be chaste. I’m not sure, but I think chastity is still part of being a Catholic priest, as well. Now, some of them probably would have dated before entering into their religious vocation, but not all. (I know that in the Middle Ages, a woman couldn’t become a nun if she had already lost her virginity — even if she had done so within the confines of holy matrimony — but that was the Middle Ages. It’s probably changed since then.)
But not me. I didn’t choose to be alone my whole life.
I’ve just never met anyone willing to have anything to do with me.
And I’m already starting to feel like I’m too stupid to ever succeed in graduate school, and that my lack of work experience will prevent me from ever finding a job, and my books suck too much to ever sell, and…
…basically, I’ve failed life.
What I wouldn’t give for a “reset” button on life.
Also, having something that would make those mice decide to pick up and leave my house would be good, too. I won’t do anything to kill them, because they’re cute and furry and I’d hate myself if I hurt them, but humane traps are totally ineffective, and I got one of those things where you plug it in and it’s supposed to send a noise along the electric lines that makes them want to leave, but I can hear it in my kitchen right now, and of course my cat is just sleeping and ignoring it.
My life really sucks.
I’m not sure how to fix it, though. I’m trying to fix it, but all my attempts seem to end in more failure.
I really want that “reset” button option.