Been out of it today.

Published September 24, 2014 by Iphis of Scyros

I was supposed to spend all day working on my paper for tomorrow, since I had to spend yesterday finishing my reading because I went on an unexplainable crying jag Monday night instead of finishing my reading.  (It’s hard to remember the details.  I went in my room because there was another mouse–or I thought there was–in the corner, and then I was trying to distract myself by imagining how a scene from my book about Iphis is going to go, which involved me trying to imagine what was going through Achilles’ head in the scene and somehow that ended up with me crying hysterically.  I’m really not sure what happened there.)

did manage to write the paper.  Mostly.  It sort of still needs a closing paragraph.  Because otherwise it’s really abrupt.  And a bit on the short side.  But the book-review-like topic for this week’s paper was not helping, you know?  I mean, I answered the question, so what else is there to say?  Since I’m just supposed to say what the author of the book was saying as his main point, it’s not like there’s any room for creativity there.

Anyway, I spent about twice as long looking through Wikimedia Commons as I did working on my paper.  Trying to find images I could use for cover art for my novel.  Ack!  I forgot to look to see if there was a map of Greece I could use!  Well, Greece, surrounding islands and Troy.  Whatever.  Ugh.  Gotta go back and look for that…

Worst part is, for the first half, I couldn’t really find anything that was quite what I wanted.  Partially because what I wanted was really specific.  There’s this krater or kylix or something that was found at Farsala–have I said this already?–showing a bunch of soldiers fighting, with a naked dead guy in the background.  The fact that he’s naked–on top of the fact that it was found at Phthia!–has made most scholars/art historians/classicists come to the logical conclusion that the corpse is Patroclos.  Hence, that seemed like a really poignant cover image for the first half of my Trojan War novel.  (Especially since that first volume ends with Achilles vowing vengeance on Hector for Patroclos’ death.)  But there weren’t any pictures of that particular work available.  I found some others with men fighting over corpses, including one slightly odd one of Menelaos and Hector fighting over the corpse of Euphorbos, the man who stabbed Patroclos in the back, giving Hector the opening he needed to deal the finishing blow.  (Seriously, Patroclos is so powerful that it took a god and two men to kill him!  No one else in the Iliad is anywhere near that hard to kill, and really there isn’t anyone else in the whole war who’s so hard to kill!  (It only took a god and one man to kill Achilles, and the man in question being the wimpy Alexander/Paris, that just makes Achilles’ death that much easier than Patroclos.  Then again, since Patroclos is the older of the two, and one of the ones who taught Achilles how to fight, that’s only appropriate, really.))

For the second half, there were a number of pictures that would work better, though still none of them are quite right, somehow.  Probably I’ll just go with the one of the Wooden Horse.  ‘Cause that’s easy.  And will let everyone know exactly what the book contains.  (Though I suppose I could always use one of the images of Neoptolemus using Astyanax as a weapon against Priam.  That is such a weird way of handling time compression and Neoptolemus’ savagery…and I’m never sure if I should laugh or cringe.  Using a child as a weapon is ludicrous, but also horrible, so…)

I was also hoping to maybe see an image that I could use for my novella about Patroclos and Achilles, as part of me still wants to publish it since I spent so much time working on beating it into shape, but I couldn’t find any good images.  I wanted to get an image of a youth and a boy, just sort of standing there looking at each other, fully clad, not doing anything overtly courtship-related.  Couldn’t find anything that looked like it would work.  I found plenty with a man and a boy, but since I specifically said in the story that Patroclos is clean-shaven, anything with a bearded man won’t do.  But in most of the art, the men have beards.  Urgh.  But I refuse to make my Patroclos bearded.  Mycenaeans were sometimes clean-shaven, and I find that more attractive, so my Patroclos is clean-shaven!  I insist on being a snot about this.

I’m still unsure about the whole publishing thing, though.  No, maybe “unsure” isn’t the word.  Nervous?  Jittery?  Terrified?

Something like that.

I guess I feel like no one will read it, no matter what I do, so why bother?  And yet, what if they would?  What if…but…no, I know they wouldn’t.  And even if they did, they probably wouldn’t like it.

And yet I can’t quite force myself to give up, either.

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