The more I think about it, the worse it seems.

Published December 8, 2014 by Iphis of Scyros

No matter how I look at it, it feels like my writing is doubly sure never to get off the ground.  Even for free, I can’t get people to read it.  I don’t think it’s just because my writing style sucks–though I think that’s part of it, too–I think it’s also that what I write is just something that no one wants to read.

Even in my academic writing, I feel like that’s the case.  All I could think regarding my presentation in class about my thesis-to-be is that no one thought it was worth writing, like I was wasting their time in making them listen to it, and wasting my time in writing it, and everything.  I mean, I guess it’s not really world-shattering, studying the way myths are re-shaped by the times that they pass through, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong to study it, surely.  Some of the others had some pretty vague and/or unimportant topics, too.

It doesn’t help that as I read these various books for my research that I can see the people who wrote them are infinitely more intelligent than I am.  I’ll never be able to write anything so deep and insightful.  I’ll never be able to write fiction that anyone wants to read.  So where does that leave me?

I’m unemployable, so I can’t just get a job and work for a living.  No one would ever hire someone who’s never had a job.  But if I can’t write fiction and I can’t enter academia, and I can’t get a job, then what do I do with myself?  What justification do I have to exist?

If I were younger, pretty and thin, I could say “screw being useful, I’ll just get married and churn out babies and at least keep the species alive” but there’s not a human being on this planet who’d ever want to marry me, and I don’t have the financial, emotional or mental stability to raise a child on my own.

If my writing style was more acceptable–if I was even capable of writing descriptions–I would try to churn out some fiction that people would want to read, even if it was crap.  After all, there are certain genres that are popular, right?  If I could write in a style that people would be willing to read, I could try to grind out some of that “tween-girl porn” that’s popular right now, but…well, actually, first I’d have to be able to put up with reading some of it to know it’s like.

And watching “Pyramids of Mars” while I’m already in a funk isn’t really helping.  It’s not exactly the most cheerful story out there.  (But Barnes and Noble was having a half-off sale on BBC DVDs!)

It also doesn’t help that I still have 34 pages left in the book I told myself I was going to finish reading today.  Then tomorrow I’m going to tackle the last of the new library books, and if it turns out to useful to–wait, wasn’t Set the uncle of Horus, not his brother?  And Sutek is Set, so…but actually, I think I’ve seen something lately that called Set the brother of Horus, rather than the brother of Osiris, so maybe it’s one of those multiple versions things.

Well, digression aside, like I was saying, after the one I’ve spent today reading, I have one more library book left (plus a book about Amazons that I bought a while back, which should prove useful) and then I have to go back to the library and get some new books to replace a few that didn’t pan out.  I know which two I want, though, and I think they’ll be useful, and once I have them, I shouldn’t need any more.  I hope.

I think my new version of the topic–on gender roles instead of sexuality–is probably a lot better than the old one, but…

…I still wonder if there’s any point to any of this.

Vocaloid Tarot

Vocaloid, UTAU and Tarot; individually or all-in-one

Matthew Meyer

the yokai guy

Arwen's Butterflies and Things

My BJD creation blog. Here's where my sewing creations and projects are showcased. Some outfits are for sale. Please use the tags & catagories to navigate this blog. I love comments and reviews!

History From Below

Musings on Daily Life in the Ancient and Early Medieval Mediterranean By Sarah E. Bond

The Bloggess

Like Mother Teresa, only better.

My Tiny Joy

Where little things matter!

Klein's Other Toys

Comics, Funko Pops and Anime figures oh my!

BINARYTHIS

EVERYTHING YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT GENDER BUT WERE TOO AFRAID TO ASK

Creating Herstory

Celebrating the women who create history

Kicky Resin

BJDs et al

Lala Land

(>°~°)><(°~°<)

A'Cloth the World

Where Textiles, Fashion, Culture, Communication and Art Come Together.

starshiphedgehog

Occasionally my brain spurts out ideas and this is where I put them

The Social Historian

Adventures in the world of history

medievalbooks

Erik Kwakkel blogging about medieval manuscripts

Sara Letourneau

Poet. Freelance editor and writing coach. SFF enthusiast.

Zounds, Alack, and By My Troth

A tragical-comical-historical-pastoral webcomic by Ben Sawyer

Project Doll House

never too old to play with dolls

knotted things

All about the things that I'm all about.

Eclectic Alli

A bit of this, a bit of that, the meandering thoughts of a dreamer.

Omocha Crush

Secret Confessions of a Toy Addict

C.G.Coppola

FIND YOUR ESCAPE

WordDreams...

Jacqui Murray's

Onomastics Outside the Box

Names beyond the Top 100, from many nations and eras

Hannah Reads Books

This is an archival site for old posts. Visit hannahgivens.com for art, puppetry, and links to any current media commentary.

Ariel Hudnall

the writings, musings, and photography of a dream smith

Taking a Walk Through History

Walking back in time to discover the origins of every historical route on earth

SENTENTIAE ANTIQUAE

ΕΥΔΟΞΑ ΑΓΝΩΣΤΑ ΚΑΤΑΓΕΛΑΣΤΑ

Pullips and Junk

We're all mad about Pullips here!

mycupofteaminiatures

Handmade miniatures

Dutch Fashion Doll World

A Dutch Barbie collector in Holland

Confessions of a Doll Collectors Daughter

Reviews and News From the Doll World

It's a Britta Bottle!

Small Stories of a Twenty-Something Adventuring Through Life

DataTater

It's all small stuff.

The Photographicalist

Preserving the photographical perspective

The Daily Post

The Art and Craft of Blogging

We're All Mad Here!

<---This Way | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . | That Way--->

The WordPress.com Blog

The latest news on WordPress.com and the WordPress community.

%d bloggers like this: