It’s never easy for me to make a decision. Of any kind. I’ll waffle about what to have for lunch. (Though I never have waffles for lunch. I don’t like to have breakfast for any meal other than breakfast.) So when I’m faced with really momentous decisions, that’s just all the harder to deal with.
Right now, my “momentous” decision is about my writing. Or rather, about what I should be prioritizing in my writing. Should I focus on getting reading done that will add to my academic writing, even though I won’t be working on my thesis again until the fall semester at the earliest? Should I knuckle down and find a way to get back into gear on part two of this past NaNo’s trilogy? (Somehow, book two is just excessively slow in its writing pace. It’s been days since I did more than stare at the last few lines and then give up and close the file without adding to it.) Should I get back to work on fixing up my Trojan War novel, Ilios? Should I get to work figuring out the re-structuring details on my quasi-young adult novels? Should I take a break and work on some short story ideas that have been jostling about in my under-crowded head lately? Or should I start cruising the NaNo forums to see if I can find a collaborator who will work with me as a co-author, fixing up my impossibly sparse prose with those mysterious things called “adjectives”? (Okay, technically, it’s not really that I lack adjectives; it’s that I lack sentences/paragraphs of descriptive text. I can’t help it. I’m just not a visual person. My mother once asked me, in recoiling in horror at the lack of description in whatever book of mine she was savaging, “you see them all in your head, don’t you?” to which my only answer was “no, I don’t!” I think in words, not images; my thoughts are conversations, not landscapes or action scenes. It’s not something I can change.)
And how have I been dealing with my current uncertainty on how to proceed, you might ask.
I’ve been playing more video games. Seriously. I’ve just been procrastinating. It’s a decision that has no authority figure saying “do this!” or anything like that, and yet I’ve still just been putting it off, not thinking about it.
That’s so typical of me that it kind of makes me want to cry.