Maybe it’s just because I’m an idiot. I signed up for a course about oral history, assuming (like a jackass) that the purpose of the class was to read about previous work in oral history, and how to analyze and understand data collected by oral historians, and how to judge the potential use of oral history data. When your focus is ancient Greece, there’s a lot of former oral history involved, because the early Greek historians had no other way to collect their data. So I wanted (and expected) a course that would teach me how much I could trust Herodotus and others like him. That kind of thing.
The course catalog said nothing to indicate that the students would be expected to conduct interviews themselves.
I have trouble talking even to people I know well. How am I supposed to interview total strangers?
I want to drop the course. But it’s the only one I’m taking, so I’d have to sign up for another one. And that would mean having missed the first class meeting of the new course. (Unless I signed up for an online course, but I have little enough human interaction as it is!)
I really don’t want to turn into someone who just runs and hides from things she doesn’t like (though I’ve kind of been like that for decades now) but is there any rational point in taking a course that isn’t going to teach me much that I can use, which I’ll hate taking, and which will drastically reduce my GPA? It doesn’t really feel like there’s any point to it. Except that the professor teaching the course might be the one who’ll supervise my thesis. Assuming I can actually last long enough in the program to even work on my thesis in the first place.
I don’t know why I thought I could handle graduate school. I’m a complete moron, with the vocabulary of a five year old, and the social skills of Gollum. (Without the bashing people/orcses with rocks and eating raw, live fish, that is.)
If I had a job, or any chance of ever getting a job, I might just run away entirely. But I don’t. So I have no choice but to continue through graduate school and hope that I magically find some avenue for employment on the other side.
If nothing else, maybe if I keep volunteering long enough at the museum and start giving tours, then maybe they’ll be willing to give me a job next time they lose a staff member. Or if that expansion ever actually happens. But I’m sure they’d rather have an employee who was better qualified. Which would be one advantage, I suppose, to managing to complete the Master’s Degree; it would make me slightly closer to being qualified.