Because I’m easily influenced by others, something just happened that totally distracted me from writing tomorrow’s “Missing Letter Monday” post. (I still remember what I want to write it about, though, so that’s good.)
The chain of influences:
- C.G.Coppola recommended author/blogger Jenny Lawson, so I checked out her blog, saw I liked it, followed it, and made a mental note to pick up one of her books.
- When I came back online as my dinner was cooking (planning on writing that post), I saw that a new blog post in my reader from Lawson (“The Bloggess”), and checked it out. It was about a personality profile test…
- So I decided to take the test and see what I got. I got so caught up in doing so that I missed it when the toaster oven dinged, and my dinner got cold half-way through cooking.
Anyway, I — unlike most everyone else I saw commenting about this test — was less than impressed with it. I found reading the results to be identical to reading a horoscope: some stuff is accurate, but some of it is crazy wrong. (And I didn’t mis-answer the questions to louse up the test. I answered them as well as I was able…though many of them didn’t really apply, or couldn’t be answered in such a simple manner. And I’m still annoyed by the question about “The room is full” because it didn’t say what the room was full of. I’d behave very differently in a room full of kittens than I would in a room full of boxes. And if the room was full of candy or cupcakes, I’d probably turn and run away for fear of eating it all.)
Now, being the type of person that I am (a bizarre one), I actually printed (to .pdf) 6 of the 7 screens of results analysis. (The one I didn’t was about parenting, because seriously, why bother? I’ll never be a parent.) I naturally only printed out the first three pages, stopping the print before it got to users commenting on the analysis, because that would be rude.
The reason I did this, of course, is so I can tear apart their analysis here.
Because that’s how I roll.
So, here goes!
INFP PERSONALITY (“THE MEDIATOR”)
Whoa, copy-paste even grabbed the font size and stuff. Wasn’t expecting that. Uh, anyway, this was my result. Right away, we have a problem: when the heck have I ever mediated anything? When I see people arguing, I tend to run in the opposite direction.
INFP personalities are true idealists, always looking for the hint of good in even the worst of people and events,
I am a cynical misanthropist. I may once have had some idealism, but reality long since crushed it. And I don’t think I’ve ever looked for “the hint of good” in anyone even slightly bad. Unless they’re a fictional character or a king who’s been dead 800 years.
Comprising just 4% of the population
Is that really true? More like, how the heck would you calculate that? No matter your random sample size, it would necessarily be skewed. Not to mention the population of what, exactly? A country? If so, which one? The world? Please. These personality types are as much shaped by nurture as by nature (just like everything else) so a type that’s rare in one location will be common — or at least less rare — in another. It is also noteworthy that the poll on Lawson’s blog indicated a whopping 21.65% of respondents had gotten this result. While the people answering a poll on a blog are hardly a meaningful indicator since “birds of a feather flock together,” it still makes the claim of 4% seem highly unlikely. (Somehow, I doubt any of the 16 personality types profiled on that site are claimed to make up more than 5% of “the population”…)
When deciding how to move forward, they will look to honor, beauty, morality and virtue – INFPs are led by the purity of their intent, not rewards and punishments.
“The purity of their intent”…? I’m not even sure what that’s supposed to mean. And, honestly, I am motivated by rewards. Specifically, I want to do things I’ll enjoy. What could be more rewarding than that? (As Tony Stark said, “you can count on me to pleasure myself.”)
At their best, these qualities enable INFPs to communicate deeply with others, easily speaking in metaphors and parables, and understanding and creating symbols to share their ideas. The strength of this intuitive communication style lends itself well to creative works, and it comes as no surprise that many famous INFPs are poets, writers and actors.
Dude, I’m lucky if I can communicate at all, let alone “deeply.” As to lending one to creative works…well, that’s one of those rare “yeah, I guess so,” points. But — lest we ignore the title of the post — both my star sign and my Chinese horoscope both include creativity in their description of my type. And there’s no way everyone born in the same year as me is creative.
INFPs’ ability with language doesn’t stop with their native tongue, either – as with most people who share the Diplomat personality types, they are considered gifted when it comes to learning a second (or third!) language.
Yup, they know nothing about me. I’m notoriously bad at foreign languages. Okay, maybe not “notoriously.” (How many people are notorious for that?) Anyway, my point is, I suck at other languages even more than I suck at English. (And as anyone who’s had the misfortune to read much of my drivel can tell you, I really suck at English.) In fact, I kind of view the foreign language competence test as the biggest obstacle to getting my MA.
Unlike their Extraverted cousins though, INFPs will focus their attention on just a few people, a single worthy cause – spread too thinly, they’ll run out of energy, and even become dejected and overwhelmed by all the bad in the world that they can’t fix. This is a sad sight for INFPs’ friends, who will come to depend on their rosy outlook.
(I’m not so sure that any of my cousins are extroverts. I think they’re all more or less introverts…) While I did tend to focus my attention on a very few people back in the days when I actually went out and interacted with people, where are they getting this “rosy outlook” garbage from? I’ve never had one of those, or anything like one. Being the unpopular fat girl at a private school full of pretty, skinny, rich kids prevents rosy outlooks from ever budding.
INFPs can lose themselves in their quest for good
Their what now? Are you sure this is the right profile result? ‘Cause I only “quest for good” when I’m playing an RPG. The rest of them time I quest for keeping my head down and avoiding, you know, other people.
Left unchecked, INFPs may start to lose touch, withdrawing into “hermit mode”, and it can take a great deal of energy from their friends or partner to bring them back to the real world.
All right, I admit it. This part is right on the money. Only I don’t have any friends or partners, so I had to force myself back into the real world (to the small extent that I’m part of the real world) which I suppose means this isn’t so “on the money” after all.
Luckily, like the flowers in spring, INFP’s affection, creativity, altruism and idealism will always come back,
Yeah, I don’t know who you’re describing, but it ain’t me. I have very little altruism, and zero idealism.
Okay, let’s take these in order:
So, full awesome points for two of my favorite authors being listed. But, uh, how did you give a personality test to Shakespeare? He’s kind of, you know, long dead. And I really don’t think we know enough about him to accurately assess how he would have responded to all those questions. Let’s be honest: they put him on this list because he’s a poet, and they said this type are often poets. Most likely, the same applies to Tolkien as well.
While I don’t consider this test to have been worthwhile, if there was an INFP convention and these two were going to be there, I would so go. *drool*
Frodo Baggins from The Lord of the Rings
Anne of Green Gables
Fox Mulder from X-Files
Amélie Poulain from Amélie
Arwen from The Lord of the Rings
Sybil Branson from Downton Abbey
Lance Sweets from Bones
A number of these I don’t actually know: I’ve never read Anne of Green Gables, never watched The X-Files, and haven’t watched Downton Abbey, either, though it’s on my “gee, I should probably watch this someday” list. Oh, and I’ve never seen Bones, either, because I have zero interest in crime shows. (And from what my brother’s told me, I’m glad that I didn’t, because it sounds like it went downhill all too rapidly. And I suspect my anthropological training would have been offended.) As to the others…
Frodo Baggins from The Lord of the Rings
Enh, whatever. I was always more of a Samwise fan. (And I got to see Sean Astin in person at a convention a while back! That was awesome. Not as awesome as seeing Matt Smith — at the same convention — but still awesome.)
Amélie Poulain from Amélie
I’ve only seen that movie the once, because even French romantic comedies are still romantic comedies, and thus hold no real appeal to me. But from what I recall, I have zilch in common with the title character, personality-wise. In fact, the only thing I have in common with her at all is that we’re both female.
Arwen from The Lord of the Rings
Awesome. (Especially if Aragorn really looked like Viggo Mortensen…. *drool* )
And that was just the first section of the profile. I totally understand if you jump ship now.
Right, so now that I’m alone, I’ll keep going with my merciless assault on this so-called personality profile.
Section two is “Strengths and Weaknesses”…which spells out “oh boy.”
- Idealistic – INFPs’ friends and loved ones will come to admire and depend on them for their optimism. Their unshaken belief that all people are inherently good, perhaps simply misunderstood, lends itself to an incredibly resilient attitude in the face of hardship.
Indeed, you know zilch about me. I have no optimism. I haven’t had any optimism since…uh…have I ever been optimistic? If I have, I think it was back before kindergarten. And I have never believed that “all people are inherently good.” I’m more in the “people are scum” camp.
- Seek and Value Harmony – People with the INFP personality type have no interest in having power over others, and don’t much care for domineering attitudes at all. They prefer a more democratic approach, and work hard to ensure that every voice and perspective is heard.
Again, this is a “yes and no” kind of thing. Yeah, I don’t want power over others. But I don’t give a rat’s ass about getting “every voice and perspective” heard. There are a lot of voices and perspectives that get heard all too often, in my opinion. I’d rather get the unheard voices and perspectives out there; let ethnic, religious and gender/sexuality minorities have their turn to talk, and make the white males shut up for a change, that’s my view on the matter. (Apologies to any white males who may happen to read this. It’s not that I have anything against white males, it’s just that they’ve dominated Western civilization from the beginning, and their remission is long overdue.)
- Open-Minded and Flexible – A live-and-let-live attitude comes naturally to INFPs, and they dislike being constrained by rules. INFPs give the benefit of the doubt too, and so long as their principles and ideas are not being challenged, they’ll support others’ right to do what they think is right.
Um, no. I only mind rules when they annoy me (all right, maybe that’s what they mean), and I’m not so good at “benefit of the doubt.” Which is, of course, why I’m leery of other people doing “what they think is right,” because anyone relying on that kind of rhetoric is trying to do something that they know is either wrong or forbidden, and usually things are forbidden for a reason. If you just let everyone do what “they think is right” then you’ll get whackos with guns demanding the government let them hunt in wildlife preserves…
- Passionate and Energetic – When something captures INFPs’ imagination and speaks to their beliefs, they go all in, dedicating their time, energy, thoughts and emotions to the project. Their shyness keeps them from the podium, but they are the first to lend a helping hand where it’s needed.
I’m not much of a one to “lend a helping hand,” but otherwise I guess I have to give them this one. I get caught up in my projects pretty easily…
- Dedicated and Hard-Working – While others focusing on the challenges of the moment may give up when the going gets tough, INFPs (especially Assertive ones) have the benefit of their far-reaching vision to help them through. Knowing that what they are doing is meaningful gives people with this personality type a sense of purpose and even courage when it comes to accomplishing something they believe in.
I’m not so sure their description fits the tag they’ve applied to this “strength.” In any case, “far-reaching vision”? That’s something I’m quite short on. And there’s really nothing I’ve ever done that’s “meaningful.” I’m much too shallow for that. I’m the type who wants to research a topic because it interests her, not because there’s any reason to research it. (Seriously, who other than me cares about how well or poorly Achilles fits into gender role typologies over the last two and a half thousand years?)
Moving on to the “weaknesses” now…
- Too Idealistic – INFPs often take their idealism too far, setting themselves up for disappointment as, again and again, evil things happen in the world. This is true on a personal level too, as INFPs may not just idealize their partners, but idolize them, forgetting that no one is perfect.
Just which question did I answer wrong to make them think I’m idealistic? There’s nothing remotely idealistic about me! (Though I guess I should admit that if I were ever to fall in love, I would probably idealize the object of my affections. However, I’m not at all sure if I’m even capable of falling in love.)
- Too Altruistic – INFPs sometimes see themselves as selfish, but only because they want to give so much more than they are able to. This becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, as they try to push themselves to commit to a chosen cause or person, forgetting to take care of the needs of others in their lives, and especially themselves.
Yeah, again, what question did I answer wrong to make them think I’m altruistic? I’m completely self-absorbed.
- Take Things Personally – INFPs often take challenges and criticisms personally, rather than as inspiration to reassess their positions. Avoiding conflict as much as possible, INFPs will put a great deal of time and energy into trying to align their principles and the criticisms into a middle ground that satisfies everybody.
Yes, I do tend to take challenges and criticisms personally — particularly criticisms of my futile artistic endeavors — but that’s common among artistic types. I’ve never tried to align anything to a “middle ground” to satisfy others. If I think people are going to criticize something, I don’t let other people see it. That’s the advantage of being an unpublished amateur: no one ever needs to see my work.
Ooh, now we’re up to “Romantic Relationships,” which it’s slightly unfair of me to criticize too heavily, since I can only work on conjecture. So I’ll try to constrain myself to only the most laughably egregious points.
INFPs are dreamy idealists, and in the pursuit of the perfect relationship, this quality shows strongest. Never short on imagination, INFPs dream of the perfect relationship, forming an image of this pedestalled ideal that is their soul mate, playing and replaying scenarios in their heads of how things will be. This is a role that no person can hope to fill, and people with the INFP personality type need to recognize that nobody’s perfect, and that relationships don’t just magically fall into place – they take compromise, understanding and effort.
See, for me, this starts out good — of course I spent decades dreaming of the perfect relationship — but it falls apart after “This is a role that no person can hope to fill,” because it’s nothing to do with my personality that’s prevented me from ever having a relationship: it’s my appearance that drives others away. They never get close enough for my personality to be an issue. It’s not me who would need to compromise, it’s my potential partner: said potential partner would have to compromise in that they’d be giving up any chance of ever being physically attracted to their partner. That’s not a compromise most people are willing to make. (At least, men-seeking-women aren’t. I don’t know about women-seeking-women.)
Fortunately these are qualities that INFPs are known for,
Um, what? Do you honestly think lots of people even know what an INFP is, let alone what qualities they allegedly possess? Seriously, do you really believe that? I can just hear the conversation in some imaginary men’s room: “Man, nothing’s working with my girl. I just can’t get her to open up!” “She’s an INFP. You gotta try harder!” Yeah, that really happens all the time.
INFPs share a sincere belief in the idea of relationships – that two people can come together and make each other better and happier than they were alone,
All right, I’ll give them this one: I do love the idea of romance. I’ve just given up on the idea of ever being in one. And I’m not totally convinced that the ideal relationship is as common as it’s alleged to be, either.
But INFPs aren’t necessarily in a rush to commit – they are, after all, Prospecting (P) types, and are almost always looking to either establish a new relationship or improve an existing one – they need to be sure they’ve found someone compatible. In dating, INFPs will often start with a flurry of comparisons, exploring all the ways the current flame matches with the ideal they’ve imagined.
Wanna know about my last “flame”? It was almost twenty years ago: I was taking a class with a really cute guy whose comic strip in the school paper I had admired for about three years. He had everything a girl could ask for: looks, brains and talent. Of course, he wanted nothing to do with me. But I knew he wasn’t interested, so I tried not to let on that I liked him. However, everyone else in class knew, and thought it was hilarious. Yeah, it’s so funny that the fat, ugly girl has a crush. Way to be mature college students, guys. (Not that I’m still bitter or anything. Ohhhh noooo.)
As a relationship takes hold, people with the INFP personality type will show themselves to be passionate, hopeless romantics, while still respecting their partners’ independence.
If I somehow did manage to enter a relationship, I would so “respect” my partner’s independence that I’d fully expect him to be having an affair, and wouldn’t pry into it. Because if a guy claimed to want to get involved with me, I’d have to assume that he mistakenly thought I was rich, and wanted my money. (He’d be disappointed, though: I’d demand a pre-nup.)
Okay, moving on to “Friendships.”
The true friends of people with the INFP personality type tend to be few and far between, but those that make the cut are often friends for life.
“Few and far between” is right, but it’s never others who fail to make my “cut” but others who consistently reject me. I was the emergency back-up friend of our group of social misfits in high school; no one wanted to hang out with me unless everyone else was busy…and even then it was probably more fun to be alone than to be with me. (And yet the few I thought of as my friends claimed I was really funny, thus implying that it was actually entertaining to be around me.)
they are excellent at reading into others’ feelings and motivations,
it’s as though INFPs like the idea of human contact, but not the reality of social contact.
The phrasing here is bizarre. This is right on the money for me: I like human contact only as a concept, not as a reality. And yet the words “it’s as though” implies that they find this prospect inscrutable, or they’re trying to say that this is only the appearance, not the reality.
But, if INFPs’ shields are properly navigated and they decide to open up and trust another person, a strong, stable friendship will ensue, marked by passionate support and idealism, subtle poetic wit, and a level of emotional insight that is hard to match. INFPs’ friends will be rewarded with calm, sensitivity and depth, and an ever-present desire to help, learn, and grow.
Yup, you know nothing about me. No one who has ever spoken to me — or read my garbled words — would accuse me of possessing a “subtle poetic wit,” or indeed any wit at all. And I have so little “emotional insight” that I’m probably socially classed as “unfeminine”…not that I support shallow gender stereotypes, so I don’t care if I am. And I have no “calm, sensitivity and depth,” nor “an ever-present desire to help, learn and grow” to reward anyone with. Er, no, I do have an ever-present desire to learn. But not those other things.
INFPs’ enigmatic qualities will never truly vanish.
Dude, I have zero enigmatic qualities. I am totally, by-the-book, standard, and ordinary. I am the average weirdo. All you need is a list of my interests and hobbies, a brief run-down on my hikikomori nature, and general lack of social skills and relationships, and you know everything you need to in order to predict and understand all about me. I’m probably the dullest, most predictable person I know.
The next section was “Parenthood,” but I’m utterly skipping that, ’cause it would even more unfair to judge that one’s ludicrosity than it was to judge the one on romance. Next up is “Career Paths,” which is, admittedly, also pure conjecture on my part. Though in some cases I think of my volunteer work at the museum as a career. (Certainly I keep naively hoping it will someday turn into employment…)
Though intelligent, the regimented learning style of most schools makes long years earning an advanced degree a formidable undertaking for people with the INFP personality type – at the same time, that’s often what’s needed to advance in a field that rings true for them.
Bwahahahahhahaha! Oh, man, there’s wrong and then there’s wrong! My truly ideal profession would be to get paid to be a student. I feel more comfortable in the classroom than anywhere else out in the world.
with their gift for language and written expression,
Seriously, you can’t assume that everyone who has some sensitivity and creativity has a gift for language or skill at writing. Believe me, it ain’t that easy. Even though I like to think I’m pretty creative, I’m honest enough to admit that I am a terrible wordsmith.
Most any cause, idea, or field can benefit from the artful and natural expression that INFPs bring to the table, and INFPs have their pick of the world in choosing who they work with.
Okay, at this point they’re starting to show their hand. Because they’re making it sound like everyone who was given this profile is a gifted natural at assembling just the right set of words to help any group achieve their goal. And you know they have an ulterior motive for making it sound that way…
If to Do Were as Easy as to Know What Were Good to Do…
This is just plain bad English. Even if it isn’t grammatically wrong, it’s horribly awkward. I would laugh my ass off I ever learned that the person who wrote this had gotten INFP on their own personality profile.
Where INFPs will not thrive is in a high-stress, team-heavy, busy environment that burdens them with bureaucracy and tedium.
Uh-huh. And the same thing applies to virtually everyone. Some people do thrive under high-stress conditions, burdened with bureaucracy and tedium, but…I doubt more than 5% of the population of the world, with that trio of conditions. This is one of those blanket statements calculated to make you think “oh, they’re describing me perfectly!” when they’re really just making vague generalizations.
Next up is “Workplace Habits,” which is to a certain extent more of the same.
In the workplace, INFPs face the challenge of taking their work and their profession personally.
Um, if someone considers their work to be their “profession,” then they automatically take it seriously and personally. Otherwise, it’s just a job.
To INFPs, if it isn’t worth doing, it isn’t really worth doing, and this sense of moral purpose in their work colors everything from how they respond to authority to how they express it.
Really, there were no questions about “moral purpose.” I would not have answered them in a positive light, because I really don’t have one. Yeah, I want to see good triumph over evil (or, in the real world, the weak triumph over the wealthy), but I don’t make that my personal prerogative. I leave that for people who are actually capable of accomplishing things. I louse up everything I touch; noble causes are better off without me.
INFPs don’t like conflict or picking sides, and will do everything they can to maintain harmony and cooperation.
This starts to get at where a lot of their assessment went wrong. Wanting to avoid being caught up in conflict is not the same thing as wanting to prevent conflict among others. If I had co-workers, and saw an argument brewing, I think I’d be much more likely to leave the room than try to prevent the quarrel from erupting.
People with the INFP personality type avoid using phones if they can,
All right, I admit this one. But considering how many questions were about one’s comfort level in talking to others, it’s kind of a no-brainer that someone who doesn’t like to talk to other people isn’t going to like talking on the phone, either.
INFPs also like to feel like their conversations are meaningful,
Please pardon me while I guffaw mercilessly. Meaningful conversations? I am someone who will have long discussions of where this, that or the other anime or television series went wrong, or on the topic of why Warner Brothers is botching up the DC movies so badly. (Given that my brother is serious comic book reader and prefers DC to Marvel on paper, we have the latter conversation a lot. Like at least once a week. He was badly stung by the trainwreck that was Man of Steel.) The closest I come to meaningful conversations is when my family and I start having conversations about the meanings and origins of obscure words and phrases.
Ooh, and now we finally reach the crescendo! The “Conclusion” is next!
Few personality types are as poetic and kind-hearted as INFPs. Their altruism and vivid imagination allow INFPs to overcome many challenging obstacles, more often than not brightening the lives of those around them.
OMG, seriously, wanna lay it on any thicker there?
Yet INFPs can be easily tripped up in areas where idealism and altruism are more of a liability than an asset.
Yeah, might be a problem if I had any of either of those traits.
You may have muttered to yourself, “wow, this is so accurate it’s a little creepy” or “finally, someone understands me!” You may have even asked “how do they know more about me than the people I’m closest to?”
This is not a trick. You felt understood because you were. We’ve studied how INFPs think and what they need to reach their full potential. And no, we did not spy on you – many of the challenges you’ve faced and will face in the future have been overcome by other INFPs. You simply need to learn how they succeeded.
Clearly, this is an attempted trick, a variant on mass psychology. I laughed, because I was not understood any more than I was by the myriad people who write horoscopes for the daily newspapers, or by whoever it was that wrote the horoscopes on the placemats in Chinese restaurants. If you had spied on me, you’d have known that barely half of what you said applied to me. I doubt many people have overcome my challenges, because they’re so weird that very few people would ever face them in the first place.
The best car in the world will not take you to the right place if you do not know where you want to go.
Wouldn’t not knowing where you want to go be the most fun part of owning the best car in the world? I mean, come on! The Doctor may have installed the randomizer in the TARDIS to get away from the Black Guardian, but you know he kept using it long after the threat seemed abated, because it’s just so much more fun if you don’t know where you’re going!
This knowledge is only the beginning of a lifelong journey. Are you ready to learn why INFPs act in the way they do? What motivates and inspires you? What you are afraid of and what you secretly dream about? How you can unlock your true, exceptional potential?
You know, I think I know what motivates and inspires me a lot better than you do. And believe me, I don’t want anyone else knowing what I secretly dream about! (Though it’s probably pretty easy to guess…) FYI, I don’t have any “true, exceptional potential.” I only have the ordinary, unexceptional kind of potential.
Our premium profiles provide a roadmap towards a happier, more successful, and more versatile YOU!
And there you have it! Their reason for laying it on so thick about how talented and creative and naturally gifted every single person who comes across their site is: they want us all to give them money for more detailed analyses of our personalities.
I’d call it a standard rip-off scheme, and yet it’s anything but.
Whoever came up with this scheme had some basic psychology. That’s clear. They’ve probably spent a lot of time reading horoscopes, and watching how people react to them. Horoscopes — and I am talking here about the personality-profiling type, not the “what’s going to happen to you today” type — always try to put in just enough that could apply to pretty much everyone that the more trusting portion of their readership will focus on the part that’s right, and feel that overshadows the part that doesn’t, giving them the impression that it’s describing them personally. The ideal would have about half the details in the horoscope match the majority of people, thus maximizing the chances that people who are actually in that star sign will feel that they’re personally being described. (Which is not to say that the same half of the details would match all the people.)
In the case of a personality profile like this, they’re handed many details on a silver platter, in the form of the questionnaire we had to fill out to access the profile. The questions I answered told them that I’m introverted, prefer to avoid conflict, like to think creatively, et cetera.
A certain amount of this profile, too, was handed to them before they started. These personality types are an established thing; I’ve taken such tests before, and always got INFP, because it really does fit my personality better than the others. But these personality types are not supposed to be treated as a complete analysis; they’re not supposed to be defining the person. They’re supposed to be a tool to help a therapist begin to grasp their patient, just the starting handhold.
I’m saddened to see an academic tool so badly abused.
But above that, I’m horrified by the thought of how many of the people who left comments like “This is so me that it’s eerie!” must have also clicked on that little red bar that said “Premium Profiles.”
How many of them fell for it? How much were they ripped off for this so-called service?
Worst of all, I’m sure there would be legal disclaimers provided, so that no matter how flawed the “more detailed” results were, no one could get their money back.
Seeing things like this, people abusing the Internet to swindle others out of their money…
…it’s the reason I’m a misanthropist.
You want me to be idealistic, humanity? Then stop being such greedy putzes and such naive dopes!
Then maybe I’ll be able to have that “rosy outlook” you think I ought to have.