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MLM No “Z” Repost – “Peril-Led Princess, Part 5”

Published May 22, 2017 by Iphis of Scyros

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4


“Peril-led Princess”
Part 5

It seemed like a very long time before Trang’s soldiers of fortune were ready to set off to rescue Cloxlan from the sub-elves, and Princess Spiderweb felt sure that Mr. Tiktox was just as agitated by the delay as she was.  He kept fidgeting with his jeweled egg, turning it over in his hands restlessly, and passing it pointlessly between one set of hands and another.  (She sometimes envied him for having six arms!)

As soon as the mercenary army was finally ready, Trang came to speak to Mr. Tiktox, though he kept casting uncomfortable glances up at Princess Spiderweb’s horse as he did so, as if he thought it was going to breathe fire on him and burn him up to a crisp, just because it could.

“Look, metal man,” Trang said, scowling at Mr. Tiktox, “when we show up in Cloxlan, are your people going to rise up and help us fight the sub-elves?  We don’t have enough men here to fight them all by ourselves.”

“The tiktox will do nothing without the executive function,” Mr. Tiktox told him, shaking his head.  “I am only capable of independent function in this manner because that is part of my function.  I am a servant of the court; I must be capable of acting when there is no executive function.”

‘”Like talking to a bloody wall,” Trang sighed.  “What do we gotta do to make your people rise up and defend themselves?”

“Once the executive function is restored, then the tiktox will rise against their oppressors,” Mr. Tiktox assured him.

Princess Spiderweb didn’t think Trang was entirely convinced, but at least he didn’t keep arguing.  Instead, he returned to the mercenary army, and told them to prepare to march.

An army on the march was a very boring thing, and Princess Spiderweb didn’t like being part of one.  She suggested to Mr. Tiktox that maybe they could fly ahead and work on ‘restoring the executive function’ (whatever that meant) of the tiktox, but he insisted that their arrival would attract too much attention, without the army to distract the enemy.  The princess knew he was probably right, but she didn’t much like the fact.

She thought it would be a great relief when they finally arrived in Cloxlan.

She was wrong.

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MLM No “Y” Repost – “Lunch with I, I and Me”

Published May 15, 2017 by Iphis of Scyros

Lunch with I, I, and Me

Mmm, this grilled cheese is fantastic, isn’t it?
Oh, have some of the chips!
No, no, the chicken is just divine!
What kind of spice is it?  Oregano?  Sage?
The spaghetti is delightful, too.
So much to eat, so little time!

Some dessert might be nice.
Just a little slice of pie,
Or some cake,
Or those macarons look scrumptious!
Ice cream is forever good, too.

What?
I talk too much?

Never!


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Original post:  11/15/2015

MLM No “X” Repost – “Charybdis”

Published May 8, 2017 by Iphis of Scyros

Charybdis

Trapped in a spiral,
Spinning downwards,
Rushing, gushing,
Drowning.

Boats floating,
Sinking,
Crushing.

Sailors frenzying,
Rowing,
Screaming,
Dying.

Scylla’s laughter,
Scylla’s feast,
Blood everywhere,
Turning the waters red.

It’s very salty,
But salt festooned with copper.
I don’t like it.
Blood doesn’t taste good.

That lying old man,
Quick-tongued,
Like his great-grandfather.
He convinced a lot of people.
Made them think they could get away.

There’s no getting away.
There’s no escape from this doom.
There’s no tree branch above my pool.

Odysseus passed this way but once,
Before his crew marooned him
On that island they thought was deserted.
(If they’d known about Calypso,
They would have stayed,
And forced him to sail on!)

I don’t like that he blames their deaths on me.
If he ever comes this way again,
I’ll eat him.

I don’t like the taste of old man flesh,
But if it’s his,
I’ll enjoy it.

Athene won’t like it,
But I don’t care.

Hermes probably won’t like it, either,
But I still don’t care.

Poseidon will love it.
I’m fine with that.
Maybe he’ll start hanging out here more often.
(Goodness knows, he’s not picky
When it comes to mistresses…
I might not mind
A little light adultery
And giving birth
To the child of a god…)

Scylla thinks she’s all that.
But she’s not as good as me.
She can only kill seven men at a time.
I can kill thousands,
If they sail close enough.

Though I’d rather they didn’t.
I’d rather they just stayed out of our strait.
Wood doesn’t taste too good,
And blood tastes worse.

Drinking half the sea
Is bad enough by itself.
Why do men have to get in the way?

Dying,
Screaming,
Panicking,
Rowing,
Chomped by Scylla,
Amid screams and laughter.

Life should be better than this.


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MLM No “W” – May Day

Published May 3, 2017 by Iphis of Scyros

ARGH!  I hit “publish” on this on Monday morning, and it said it went through!!!  AAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGHHH!  DON’T LIE TO ME LIKE THAT, WORDPRESS!

*pant* *pant* *pant*

All right, I’m done freaking out now.

Below the line, you’ll find the actual post.


“May Day”

Help me.
Help me, please!
It’s all too much,
My head’s going under,
I’ll never be seen again.

I can’t cope.
It’s all too much.
Someone — anyone — help!

Do other people do it?
Do they really make a go of it?
Can they take themselves along,
Achieving their goals?

Or do they sink,
As I do?
Do they fail and fall and disappear,
As I’m about to?

Can time be reversed?
Can I go back and get it right?

Please?

MLM No “U”

Published April 17, 2017 by Iphis of Scyros

Ack.

I mean, y’know?  Ack.  Ack all over the place.

I have three 4-page essays (wait, or was it three three-page essays? yeah, it was three-page essays, whew!) and a sixty slide PowerPoint presentation that have to be finished by next Monday.  Oh, and 4 annotated bibliographies for things that obscenely insignificant and have received no scholarly attention.  Yet I have to find 4 books and ten articles for each one.

Yeah, so I have one week to do all that.

So I spent all day today in the library, trying to find finkin’ books and articles that were gonna fit the bill.  ARGH!

The only good news is that I’ve already done the PowerPoint.  All that’s left is the bibliography and one image that I forgot to get at the library today.  And the footnotes for two slides.

However.

Nine pages of essays.

On insanely pointless local topics for which no one other than the professor gives a rat’s ass.

Oh, and I’m expected to work 4 days in the coming week.

I am not a happy camper.


 


And yes, I mean every word of that, btw.  In case anyone was wondering.  My life for the next seven days is not going to be pretty.

MLM No “T” Repost – “Romans”

Published April 10, 2017 by Iphis of Scyros

Romans

Romulus and Remus,
Sons of Mars…or somebody…
Mama wolf should have devoured ‘em.
(For everyone else’s sake.)
Lucrecia should have killed her aggressor,
In place of herself.
(Maybe I’m excessively modern?)
Scipio Africanus…
Uh…dunno…
Hannibal rued coming across him.
(Hannibal was basically Phoenician, you know.)
Gracchi received a bum deal,
As well as vicious murders
From a “noble” mob.
(Plebeians’ heroes deserved finer!)
Julius Caesar…
Surprisingly likeable, all considered.
(His nephew much less so.)
Cicero?
Dislike is all I have.
(A whole class of boring speeches. “Dislike” is mild.)
Lucius Licinius Lucullus
A name of all “L”s! How fun!
(He enjoyed having his own fun…)
Marcus Aurelius,
Revered as a wise emperor, even now.
(His son? Ack. Simply “ack.”)
Hadrian made a fine wall.
(You know, in England.)
Julian, unfashionably pagan.
Horrible pogroms.
(Less horrible scrolls of philosophy.)

Who could miss Romans?
(Seemingly many.)


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Bah.

Originally from 10/12/15

MLM No “S” – “Terrible March”

Published April 3, 2017 by Iphis of Scyros

Terrible March

A mere cold.
No need to worry.
No need to panic.

A 2nd week…
Well, no need for alarm.
That kind of thing will happen,
From time to time.
Next week will be better.

The third week,
Identical to the earlier two.
Antibiotic medication procured,
(Finally!)
Recovery now at hand!

Or not.
Coughing not letting up.
More medication needed.

And when can I do my work?
I needed to go to the library!
A lot!
Now I only have about a week left
To write my take-home exam.

Ugh.

My ill March.
I hated it.


 

MLM No “R” Repost – “Hey, Listen!”

Published March 27, 2017 by Iphis of Scyros

“Hey, Listen!”

It’s all Link’s fault.
It totally is,
You gotta believe me!
I’d’ve been on time
If he hadn’t messed me up!

It’s all Link’s fault,
You gotta see that.
Just what is that dude, anyway?
He’s not an elf,
But he’s not a man,
And he doesn’t even talk!

Anyway, it’s all Link’s fault,
So I don’t wanna get any complaints.

It’s all Link’s fault,
Got it?


MLM banner init MLM R


If I had a Wii-U/Switch, I would totally be playing the new one.  At this second.  I saw the opening.  Blinkin’ awesome, that’s what it was.

1st posted on 3/28/16

MLM No “Q” Repost – “Peril-Led Princess, Part 4”

Published March 20, 2017 by Iphis of Scyros

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3


“Peril-Led Princess”
Part 4

Trang, the King of Thieves, had thought he was getting the best deal of his life.  A pretty teenage princess had come to him for help, and got him out of the tower where he’d been confined by his own people when the thieves proved they had absolutely no honor at all, and deposed him.  Him, whose grandfather had founded the Kingdom of Thieves!  Him, whose father had stolen a diamond the size of a roc’s egg, and then a jade sculpture the size of a roc!  Him, who…well, he hadn’t really accomplished much of anything, but he would have if they hadn’t locked him up like that!

Trang had imagined that within an hour, the pretty girl would be madly in love with him, and they could use her dragon’s fiery breath to melt the metal man and sell him as ore to the nearest blacksmith, while making off with his jeweled egg to fund their happy home as Trang retired in peace.

But this girl!

It was like she didn’t even know what men were for.  Or even what girls were for!

She didn’t even seem to know it was a dragon they were riding.  She kept insisting it was a horse.

And she absolutely would not give up on the idea of saving Cloxlan from the sub-elves.

Trang tried to explain to her that no one even lived in Cloxlan — that tiktox with her objected to that obvious fact, as you’d expect — so there was no reason to kick the sub-elves out.  And he tried to explain to her that sub-elves were a lot more dangerous than regular elves…and regular elves could actually be pretty fearsome!

But no matter what, the princess with the silly name just wouldn’t listen to him.  She just kept insisting that he use his power as a king to get them some soldiers to save the other tiktox.

Eventually, Trang admitted defeat, and so when they went into the old familiar pub, he told the princess and the clockwork man to stay back and keep quiet, then he approached the nearest mercenaries, and began the tedious process of buying an army.

* * *

Being the king of the sub-elves was supposed to be a pretty sweet deal.  All the wives you could want, all the money you could ever spend, and the power and freedom to inflict the most grievous bodily harm on anyone who crossed you.  Or just crossed your path.  It didn’t matter.  You had the power to get away with it.

Yes, from all the indications, the king of the sub-elves had a really great life.

The king’s daughters, on the hand, did not.

His favorite daughters were, one by one, married off to his favorite men.  Do the king a solid, get one of his daughters as a wife.  That was the usual arrangement among the sub-elves, and Gerlax was no one to break with tradition.  Not unless tradition broke with him first, anyway.

The daughters he didn’t like, though, they were just kept out of sight — and out of mind — in a corner of the palace or the cave or wherever else they were living at the moment, and told not to make any noise or otherwise remind anyone that they existed.  Sometimes the obedient ones starved to death because everyone had forgotten about them.

Now, Meriax was not what you would call obedient.

In fact, she rather reveled in not doing what she was told.

But as she watched her sisters — the ones their father actually liked — get married off one by one, and she stayed behind, unwanted and unloved, she had to admit it stung a little.  Not that she wanted to marry her father’s friends.  They were either disgusting barbarians or pretty boys who were more interested in sharing a bed with her father than with her sisters.  But under the current arrangement, she would never get married at all until her father was overthrown.  Then she’d get married, like it or not, to his successor.

That was how her mother and all her aunts had ended up married to Gerlax, after all.  He’d killed her grandfather — his skull was still hanging on the wall in their old home under the mountain — and married all his unwed daughters to solidify his claim to the throne.

Really, it was traditional.  Meriax had studied the history of the sub-elves and their kings — her ancestors — and not a single son had ever inherited his father’s throne.  All the other sub-elf princes — like her own brothers — were stupid brutes who either got themselves killed to prove they were tough, or were killed by their fathers for eyeing the crown too greedily.  (So far, 47 of her 56 brothers had been killed.  12 through regular stupidity, and the rest by Gerlax.  Meriax figured the rest would probably be dead within five years, if not sooner.)

It was always the way:  when a king had exhausted his sons, some tough warrior would wheedle his way into the king’s confidences so he could behead him when the king least expected it, and place the still-bloody crown on his own head.

No king could fail to expect it.

But then, once the bloody deed was done, the new king promptly married all the king’s maiden daughters, and started fathering as many babies on them as he reasonably could.   But their mothers reminded him of the man he’d had to do away with to become king, so he always hated the children of the old bloodline.  The sons were usually killed by their father before they reached manhood, and the daughters wasted away in spinsterhood…until someone beheaded their father and the cycle began again.

Meriax had the blood of every single past king of the sub-elves flowing through her veins.  On her mother’s side, she could trace her lineage all the way back to the first sub-elves, kicked out of the elven race for being too big, too burly, and too brutish, while not being very bright.  When she tried to trace back her father’s bloodline once, Meriax had found that two generations ago, his family was working in the dwarven mines, and before that they were cleaning out stables for humans.

So Meriax didn’t care for her father any more than he cared for her.  Possibly even less.

She hadn’t thought much of his decision to invade Cloxlan.  Sure, there was gold and silver and other metal there in plentitude, but it was walking and talking and generally giving all indications of being alive.  And okay, yeah, you could find just about any excuse to do away with just about anybody, if you worked hard enough at it, but…the tiktox were really not much fun to kill.  It was more than a little creepy, watching a tiktox be melted down for its metal, and Meriax didn’t like it at all, even though she had always rather enjoyed a good execution.

Just at the moment, her father was trying — as he had been for the last five years — to find out what had happened to the lord of the tiktox.  “Where is your emperor?!”  Gerlax was screaming in rage by this point in the proceeding.

“The tiktox have no such thing,” the tiktox on the torture table told him.

Gerlax gestured to the torture master, and out came the red-hot poker.  So cliché!  But there wasn’t much you could do to a tiktox to hurt them, apart from melting them a bit.  As the searing hot instrument pressed up against the brass body of the tiktox on the rack, it let out a shriek like a rusty door being swung open all too fast.

All the other tiktox in the room let out the same shriek at the same moment.  Even the ones out on the street did; Meriax could hear them through the open window.  It was eerie, how the tiktox could all feel each other’s pain like that.  She wondered if they could feel each other’s pleasure, too.  For a moment, she thought how awkward that must get between husbands and wives, then sharply remonstrated herself that tiktox weren’t male or female and they built their young, so it wasn’t the same as it was with “flesh creatures” like herself.

“Why are you protecting a ruler so cowardly that he’s never shown himself in all the time we’ve been here?” Gerlax demanded, when the instrument of torture was lifted from the tiktox’s metal body, sparing everyone from the pain of its screech.  “All we want is the gold and jewels.  Give us your rulers, and we’ll go away again and leave the rest of you in peace,” he lied.  Meriax knew very well that her father wanted to melt down every single tiktox there.  All that metal to make new weapons, without having to go through the hassle of mining like the dwarves…that spelled money and power.  Lots of both.

“The tiktox have no need of rulers the way flesh creatures have,” the tiktox informed him.

Gerlax let out a stunning round of very inventive swear words.  Meriax was actually rather impressed that his vocabulary was that large.  “Slag him!” Gerlax shouted at the torturer.  “Melt him down slowly, so he really feels the pain!”

The torturer winced.  But seeing that Gerlax had a hard look on his face, he didn’t talk back.

He just reached for a pair of ear plugs.

As the torturer began his work, Meriax hurried out of the throne room.  She knew an isolated spot where she probably wouldn’t hear too much of the screeching from the other tiktox.

But the whole time, she couldn’t help contemplating the idea of being the one to take out her father and become the new king.

* * *

As Princess Spiderweb watched the soldiers of fortune arriving and milling about, she decided she didn’t much like armies.

No, that wasn’t true.  She didn’t like them at all.  They kept staring at her and whispering things that sounded very unpleasant.  The only thing keeping them away from her, as far as she could tell, was that she was standing beside her horse, and they all seemed oddly afraid of her horse.

“Will these men really help us save Cloxlan?” Mr. Tiktox asked her, still holding the jewel-encrusted egg in two of his metal hands.

“I hope so,” Princess Spiderweb answered.  She wanted to tell him that of course they would, but…she had begun to have her own doubts about them.  Particularly because the woman in the pub’s kitchen who had been bringing them food all this time had taken Princess Spiderweb aside and explained a few choice facts of life to her concerning ‘mercenaries’ and their ways.  She had expected Trang to provide his own army, since he was supposed to be a king, but obviously he was just a liar and had no army to provide, and so he was just buying one!  Princess Spiderweb resented his lie all the more because it meant that surely he had lied to her former guardian, the nice trollup who had watched out for her for so long.

Princess Spiderweb was not fond of the whole concept of ‘lying,’ and she wanted nothing more to do with it from now on.

But right now it was more important to save Cloxlan.

After all, what would poor Mr. Tiktox do if that egg he was carrying around started to hatch before he was ready to take care of the little baby tiktox inside?


MLM banner init MLM Q


Originally posted on 3/21/16

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