I was going to call the post “Titanomachy,” but I worried that people wouldn’t know what that meant and thus wouldn’t read it.
Anyway, keeping my word and following up on the defeat of Kronos with the defeat of his brothers. (Oops, guess I shoulda put a spoiler warning on my intro!) But I’ve had to make up most of it, on account of no surviving ancient texts that give any freakin’ details. (The question is, why? Were there–uh, wait, I’ll make a separate post about this later.)
Once all six of the gods had grown to full maturity, thanks to the ambrosia that Zeus shared with his elder siblings, they decided they needed a home; they couldn’t keep living in a cave on Crete, after all! Their father had set up his court on the heights of Mt. Orthrys, so their first thought was to go and occupy his palace.
But as they approached Mt. Orthrys, they could see fires burning within the palace, and they could hear the angry mutterings of their uncles. Looking around, Zeus could see another, taller mountain to the north.
“Let’s make our home on top of that one,” he suggested, and the six brothers and sisters set off towards that northern mountain, Olympos. By the time they arrived, they found that their uncles the Cyclopes were already there, building them a fabulous palace atop the mountain’s peak.
“Mother heard your plan,” Brontes explained, “and she didn’t want her grandchildren living unprotected.”
“These walls will keep out all but the strongest of intruders,” Steropes added.
“Aren’t you supposed to be making our weapons and armor?” Zeus asked. It wasn’t that he wasn’t grateful to have a home already made for him, but it wouldn’t do much good if he didn’t have anything to protect him from the weapons of his uncles.
“The armor is ready,” Arges answered, “but the weapons aren’t quite finished yet. Don’t go picking any fights until they are!”
The gods agreed readily, and moved into their new palace on Mt. Olympos.
That night, as the new gods and goddesses settled in, picking rooms for themselves, the gods began to realize the same thing that boys of a certain age realize: just what girls are for. Zeus couldn’t bring himself to leave his sisters alone for a moment, and Poseidon wasn’t much more calm. Hades, on the other hand, was more concerned with the battle to come. He wanted to know just what would happen if they fell prey to the weapons of their uncles.
We're All Mad Here! 